Hello Everyone, Asalamalikum,
Todays meeting went great. At first I thought nobody was coming because people came a bit late but it ended up to be a great turn out. Anyway I decided in the beginning whoever comes 1 person 30 people or none I will do a lesson and try and gain something from the person who is there or myself because that is the fate.
So, after we all got settled, we started off talking about the Sahaba and we shard a few stories. I loved the story from Auntie Fozia so I will relate it in short for the people who were not there. A man came to Saidna Muhammad PBUH and told him he wanted to make zinna. All the people listening were disgusted and offended that he dare to ask the prophet something like that. But Saidna Muhammad told him softly and looked in his eyes and said come closer to me. He asked do you like this for your sister? The man said of coarse no. Then, Do you like this for your mother? No of coarse Prophet Muhammad I don't like this for my mother. He then said none of the people like this for their mother or daughter. We want all of our children and family to be halal. Then he put his hand on the man's chest and prayed for him for God S.B.T. to make his heart strong and clear and good.
What can we learn from this? We can learn that it is not our job to do the judging. We can learn that even if we judge and get upset and scream and shout this will probably do less good than a receptive kind ear and a gentle word of loving advice. Auntie Fozia said what if your child comes to you and confides in you that he lied. Say all into rage and call him a liar and turn away form him in despair. What did you gain? What did he gain? Maybe you now gained a liar. That is your child tell him he is great. Tell him you love him put your hand on his heart and tell him he is good when he doesn't do this lying. He will then confide in you and look to you for support rather than do a sin, hide it and then go and tell a friend who might encourage the sin. And also one more important point she made that is minor but major. Do not expect to see the change in your child immediately, to follow your advice right away and when he doesn't feel frustrated. The good change is due time, be patient and have faith and trust in God that your child will turn out alright without bashing your head or his head in.
Next we tossed and turned a bit around the issue of being a nice parent vs a strict parent and where to draw the line. The issue of being able to hit your child came up when he does not pray after a certain age. Well, we debated for awhile but in the end I think we all agreed that none of us has the right to hurt any body of God's creation. But that when it says hit it can be interpreted as encourage and insist. And if a parent feels this is not working a physical nudge per se, like you are nudging with a feather could be used to show you mean it. As we are responsible for our children and God is watching and is all fair, I would always do this with fear of Allah. We could site many hadiths that explain the importance of being gentle and loving with children. We also I think I can say decided that yes you can be nice and kind etc etc. but that kids should know who is boss and the rules should be followed or consequences had. This is our responsibility as parent as mothers to bring up this child. I do though want to stress that I think that the ultimate outcome you will get from forcing without love or compassionate explanation will not bring about the same deepness and love for the religion and God as you would get by creating a feeling inside your child that these things are even more delicious than candy.
Of coarse Kahil Gibran says it much better....
"No man can reveal to you aught but that which already lies half asleep in the
dawning of your knowledge.
The teacher who walks in the shadow of the temple, among
his followers, gives not of his wisdom but rather of his faith and his
lovingness.
If he is indeed wise he does not bid you enter the house of his wisdom, but rather leads you
to the threshold of your own mind.
The astronomer may speak to you of
his understanding of space, but he cannot give you his understanding.
The musician may sing to you of the rhythm which is in all space, but he cannot
give you the ear which arrests the rhythm nor the voice that
echoes it.
And he who is versed in the science of numbers can tell of
the regions of weight and measure, but he cannot conduct you thither.
For the vision of one man lends not its wings to another man.
And even
as each one of you stands alone in God's knowledge, so must each one of you be
alone in his knowledge of God and in his understanding of the earth."
Todays meeting went great. At first I thought nobody was coming because people came a bit late but it ended up to be a great turn out. Anyway I decided in the beginning whoever comes 1 person 30 people or none I will do a lesson and try and gain something from the person who is there or myself because that is the fate.
So, after we all got settled, we started off talking about the Sahaba and we shard a few stories. I loved the story from Auntie Fozia so I will relate it in short for the people who were not there. A man came to Saidna Muhammad PBUH and told him he wanted to make zinna. All the people listening were disgusted and offended that he dare to ask the prophet something like that. But Saidna Muhammad told him softly and looked in his eyes and said come closer to me. He asked do you like this for your sister? The man said of coarse no. Then, Do you like this for your mother? No of coarse Prophet Muhammad I don't like this for my mother. He then said none of the people like this for their mother or daughter. We want all of our children and family to be halal. Then he put his hand on the man's chest and prayed for him for God S.B.T. to make his heart strong and clear and good.
What can we learn from this? We can learn that it is not our job to do the judging. We can learn that even if we judge and get upset and scream and shout this will probably do less good than a receptive kind ear and a gentle word of loving advice. Auntie Fozia said what if your child comes to you and confides in you that he lied. Say all into rage and call him a liar and turn away form him in despair. What did you gain? What did he gain? Maybe you now gained a liar. That is your child tell him he is great. Tell him you love him put your hand on his heart and tell him he is good when he doesn't do this lying. He will then confide in you and look to you for support rather than do a sin, hide it and then go and tell a friend who might encourage the sin. And also one more important point she made that is minor but major. Do not expect to see the change in your child immediately, to follow your advice right away and when he doesn't feel frustrated. The good change is due time, be patient and have faith and trust in God that your child will turn out alright without bashing your head or his head in.
Next we tossed and turned a bit around the issue of being a nice parent vs a strict parent and where to draw the line. The issue of being able to hit your child came up when he does not pray after a certain age. Well, we debated for awhile but in the end I think we all agreed that none of us has the right to hurt any body of God's creation. But that when it says hit it can be interpreted as encourage and insist. And if a parent feels this is not working a physical nudge per se, like you are nudging with a feather could be used to show you mean it. As we are responsible for our children and God is watching and is all fair, I would always do this with fear of Allah. We could site many hadiths that explain the importance of being gentle and loving with children. We also I think I can say decided that yes you can be nice and kind etc etc. but that kids should know who is boss and the rules should be followed or consequences had. This is our responsibility as parent as mothers to bring up this child. I do though want to stress that I think that the ultimate outcome you will get from forcing without love or compassionate explanation will not bring about the same deepness and love for the religion and God as you would get by creating a feeling inside your child that these things are even more delicious than candy.
Of coarse Kahil Gibran says it much better....
"No man can reveal to you aught but that which already lies half asleep in the
dawning of your knowledge.
The teacher who walks in the shadow of the temple, among
his followers, gives not of his wisdom but rather of his faith and his
lovingness.
If he is indeed wise he does not bid you enter the house of his wisdom, but rather leads you
to the threshold of your own mind.
The astronomer may speak to you of
his understanding of space, but he cannot give you his understanding.
The musician may sing to you of the rhythm which is in all space, but he cannot
give you the ear which arrests the rhythm nor the voice that
echoes it.
And he who is versed in the science of numbers can tell of
the regions of weight and measure, but he cannot conduct you thither.
For the vision of one man lends not its wings to another man.
And even
as each one of you stands alone in God's knowledge, so must each one of you be
alone in his knowledge of God and in his understanding of the earth."